Southern Charm Not so Charming

Southern Charm is not so charming. In fact, I’m not even sure why I am still watching this group of useless southerners.  There was a time when I was dying to live in Charleston, South Carolina. It seemed totally charming and amazing.  I’m pretty sure I’ve changed my mind, although I still want the black bean cakes from Magnolias.

The only one on Southern Charm worth a damn is Cameran. She’s beautiful, charming, has her shit together, actually works and I can’t figure out why she hangs cameronout with the rest of them.  You notice her husband doesn’t.  (Smart guy) She married a doctor and I think it’s completely adorable that the saucepan she got as a wedding gift more than a year ago was still in the box when she went to throw her first dinner party.  I remember when she started in real estate and was working out of her mother’s house. Now her career seems to be thriving enough to hire an assistant; however, I’m not sure she’s making the best decision on who that should be. However, I do have to admire her for wanting to help a friend.  That being said I think she needs some new friends or should start hanging out with her husband’s friends.

When it comes to Thomas Ravenel I don’t even know where to begin.  This guy is a dirt bag, pure slime; he should be a politician. Oh wait! He was and went to jail!  The only thing remotely appealing about T Rav is his wallet and that’s not enough for me; but, it seems to be enough for a lot of women to sleep with him.  What this guy is doing sleeping with a 20 year old, let alone having two kids with her is beyond reproach and borders on child abuse.  Now that he’s got TWO kids with Kathryn he doesn’t even step up to the plate to support them.  This is disgusting.  He exhibits absolutely no intention of helping support these kids, yet complains about not seeing them enough.  He actually seems proud of the fact that Kathryn isn’t “getting any of his money.” It doesn’t even phaze him that his baby momma has to live with her parents.  T Rav is phlegm in a nice suit.  Where is the Southern Charm in this guy? Forget Southern, what is there to like about this ass hat? He’s got enough money for a house, plantation, string of polo ponies, etc. but doesn’t spend any money on his kids? He was boasting about it!  Hey dude, ever hear of condoms?t rav and katheryn

Kathryn has her haters, but I actually feel sorry for her. What 20 year old wouldn’t be seduced by a guy with lots of money, proclaiming his love, and promising to take care of her forever?  Obviously someone with daddy issues, but I won’t go there.  Kathryn is smarter than people give her credit for and the fact that the rest of the group has shunned her is a blessing; she just doesn’t realize it yet.

As for Shep and Whitney, I’m not sure what these two do or why they merit being on TV.  Whitney appears to live off his crazy mother (we’ll get to her later) and have no life of his own.  What does he do exactly?  Shep? Well, I’m just confused as to his existence on the planet.

patriciaPatricia, ah yes, Patricia.  I suppose she’s supposed to be the epitome of the old fashioned southern belle who married (and divorced well) but quite honestly I find her revolting.  She’s so full of herself wearing her bed jackets and being served by her butler.  Then she takes the butler with her to someone else’s house?  The way she and the butler interact with one another is creepy. It’s like modern day slavery, although I’m pretty sure he’s got nice accommodations and a decent salary.  This caftan-clad, condescending, judgmental Patricia seems perfectly content holed up in her mansion being waited on hand and foot, throwing elaborate dinner parties and mingling with the other socialites.  She’s another one who seems totally useless. If she’s so upper crust, why on Earth would she have Thomas Ravenel at her house? Why would she even be seen with that convicted felon, low life, scumbag.  If Patricia epitomizes Southern Charm, I think I’ll stay in NJ.craig

Then there’s Craig.  He might be the next Cameran – or not.  After being a total disaster last year and going home to Delaware, he seems to actually be getting his shit together, getting a job, and rumor has it will actually take the bar exam?  The only thing that’s a little odd is the long distance relationship with the French chick.  After an 8 month long distance relationship, he moved in with her and proceeded to buy her a promise ring? Is this high school? A promise ring?  WTF?  The only thing stranger than this is that Cameran (the voice of reason) thought it was a great idea. Cameran, were you drunk?

The only other person on Southern Charm I have a fondness for is Landon. I feel for Landon.  She seems like a sweet kid and divorce is tough. I give her a lot of credit for rebuilding her life, on camera no less, and maybe she can be the next Cameran.  She does seem to actually have Southern Charm and she’s humble.

When it comes to Bravo programming I get the appeal and drama of most of it; however, when it comes to Southern Charm this show is a bust.

 

Is Lisa Vanderpump Ruling the Roost?

Is Lisa Vanderpump ruling the roost on the new season of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

This is probably one of my favorite casts of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and while this season has been a bit boring so far, I’m not missing the hot mess that is Kim Richards or her equally host mess side-kick, Brandi.

erika jayneLet’s talk first about the new addition, Erika Girardi, aka Erika Jayne.  There are lots of reasons to hate her; but, alas I find myself irresistibly drawn to her and am growing fonder of her with each episode. First, she looks like Malibu Barbie. She’s married to an uber wealthy attorney 33 years her senior.  She’s the trophy wife living the jet-set lifestyle complete with private plane.  She has an alter ego, Erika Jayne who makes dance videos that the other women seem to find scandalous. I watched a bunch of them and find them totally benign. She seems to have some talent and basically just shows her ass a lot.  Of course if I had an ass like that I’d run around with no pants on at all.  She doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her, but she has incredible candor and honesty that’s so refreshing. While she has every reason to be a snob, Erika Girardi appears totally grounded. Her compassion for Yolanda exceeds all the other women by leaps and bounds.

david and yolandaI miss Yolanda being part of the regular cast and was shocked to hear that she and David Foster were divorcing. However, since she was wife number four for the Grammy winning musician, it’s not that much of a surprise. My guess is he’s no angel in the marriage department.  Yolanda appears to be really suffering and Lisa Rinna’s suggestion of Munchhausen’s Syndrome was appalling. Yolanda’s surgery showing all the free-floating silicone in her body was truly disturbing and I hope it’s the answer to all her suffering.  Yolanda Foster seems to be an incredible woman and I have nothing but well-wishes for a speedy recovery.

lisa vanderpumpLisa Vanderpump gets paid $500,000 per episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!  That’s a staggering number.  I thought she was terribly rude in the questions she asked Eileen Davidson regarding the start of Eileen’s relationship with husband Vinny.  However, Eileen should have stopped the discussion in its tracks. I imagine Lisa Vanderpump is very intimidating and this is why Eileen let the conversation continue despite her obvious discomfort.  Lisa Vanderpump appears to have a perfect life. Yes she works hard and has her hands full with her bat shit crazy Sur employees.  (I’ll have to do a blog post on Vanderpump Rules although at this point I can barely stand to watch it.)  Lisa Vanderpump can best be summed up with one word: excess. Who hires a private plane to transport a miniature horse?  I did love when Kyle said that can’t possibly be her biggest problem!  There must be something that keeps Lisa up at night and maybe it’s the British in her that just keeps a lid on things and she doesn’t talk about it. Everyone seems a little bit afraid of Lisa, yet I predict Erika Girardi will confront her at some point. Lisa Vanderpump has too much money, way too much. I’ve never seen a Louis Vuitton purse with pink trim anywhere except on the arm of Lisa Vanderpump. Custom made? $$$$$$

This is a person that takes one of her swans to the vet – in her car no less.  Everything she does seems to be over the top, done well, but over the top.  The luncheon she threw for Ken’s 70th birthday came complete with a new hat for each guest. Who does that?

Then there’s Kyle Richards. This woman bores me to tears.  I honestly don’t see what she contributes to the show.  There was the conflict with her sister Kim, but that’s been eliminated and it seems no one in Kyle Richards’ family is speaking with her, although Kyle has not gone into any details.  The whole thing with Nicky Hilton’s wedding was brushed over without explanation. This was probably the most interesting thing about Kyle all season. The best thing about Kyle is her hair and her incredibly good looking husband.

The current cast of the RHOBH gets along really well, maybe too well for the season to be interesting.  While I’m not a fan of the f-bombing mess Brandi, she did at least add some spice and there was always some argument or something crazy going on caused by her.

I will continue to watch this season in the hope that something interesting happens; but, so far it’s been a snooze fest.

 

 

Josie Maran’s argon oil miracles

Josie_Maran_-150x150body butterJosie Maran and her argon oil products are true beauty miracles.

I have to say, I’ve been watching Josie Maran on QVC for years and finally took the leap, buying a kit of argon oil, body butter, divine dip, and a shower milk – all in a caramel apple scent that is beyond heavenly.  I want to eat it.  The only product I’m not crazy about is the shower milk because I find it doesn’t lather very much, I don’t feel it cleanses, and you have to use quite a bit of it.  That being said, it does smell amazing.

I had been using Volumagen, because it was inexpensive for getting eye cream, serum, and moisturizer. Besides not wanting to put more money into the pockets of Heather and Terry Dubrow, I didn’t see any results after 90 days.  My face was the same as with the Vichy I’d been using from CVS.

argon oilEnter the beauty miracle of argon oil.  First of all, I have replaced my moisturizer with pure argon oil, which is NOT greasy at all.  It hydrates, has no chemicals and after just a week have noticed a reduction in fine lines, especially the annoying line above my lip. Unfortunately, it hasn’t eliminated any hair frizz. I need my keratin treatments.

My neck has been the bane of my existence. I’ve tried everything to no avail. However, the Divine Dip (combo of honey and argon oil) has virtually eliminated the “tree like rings” at the base of my neck.

The body butter is sublime.  It’s whipped into a deliciousness I cannot describe. Not only does it smell good enough to eat, but the changes in my skin are incredible.  I have been to several dermatologists for the red, scaly patch on my left elbow and nothing has worked – except Josie Maran’s whipped body butter. The red patch is barely there and  the flaky skin is gone.  My thighs also seem to be getting firmer!

I’ve been using it when I get out of the shower and I can’t tell you how amazing the caramel apple smell is. Josie, PLEASE make this scent available on its own. The 8 oz. tub is supposed to last three months. There is no way that’s going to happen. I’ve also seen a huge difference in my cracked heels and dry feet using the body butter.

Josie Maran makes a host of other products including lip balm, lipstick, concealer, eye shadow and more, all comprised primarily of argon oil.  I plan to be switching exclusively to these products when I run out of all the stuff I currently have.  Unfortunately I have a LOT. Josie-Maran-Argan-Black-Oil-Mascara

I just started using Rimmel argon oil mascara and really like it; but, Josie has a mascara that’s next on my list to try. It has a unique brush that curls, defines, volumizes, and lengthens, all with argon oil.  She even says to sleep in it as a lash treatment!

argon lipstickThe lipsticks are unique in that the color is in the center with a core of argon oil around it.  It seems amazing, although without lip liner it will be interesting to see how long it lasts.  I drink water constantly and without a lip liner underneath, I’m constantly applying my lipstick.  I have the perfect nude shade with a combo of a MAC lip liner and Bobbi Brown lipstick, so it’s going to be tough to transition.

As for Vollumagen, I’ll be selling it on Ebay as there is no need for it and I have 4 months worth of unopened product.  (If you’re interested, let me know.) Josie Maran makes an argon oil milk that takes the place of a serum and since I was lucky enough to get a sample at Sephora, I’m going to start using that tomorrow.  Sorry Heather and Terry, your proprietary blend of peptides doesn’t do a thing.

I keep noticing more and more Josie Maran cosmetics and I am craving them all. Basically I want a head to toe Josie Maran argon oil makeover.  How nice it would be to get rid of everything I own and just use argon oil based products if I can get the coverage, concealing, and contouring I need.  There is a concealer; but, I’ve been bugging poor Josie on Twitter to make a contour kit! Wouldn’t it be nice to get everything you need that’s good for your skin, gets results, and has no chemicals?  Even though my makeup has good ingredients for my skin, there’s still a fair amount of things in it that I can’t pronounce.

I am now totally obsessed with all things argon oil and all things Josie Maran.  The problem is when I get obsessive about something I tend to go a little nuts, which is why I have a TON of things I use daily.  When I find them at a good price I stock up; hence, the back stock of Volumagen. Now I’m dying to throw it all out and buy all of Josie’s products.

I would love to see Josie come up with a full face kit starting with the pure argon oil and moving on to all the necessary products for a full makeup look.  Um, Josie are you listening? I really really want a Josie Maran makeover!

 

 

Bravo Shows Ending. What to do now?

bravo logoSo I’ve admitted to being addicted to reality TV, especially Bravo but now two of my favorite Bravo TV shows are ending their seasons and the rest have already ended, leading me to wonder what am I going to watch this summer?

First Bravo ended the Real Housewives of Atlanta  and now we’re onto Kandi’s ski trip which is the most dysfunctional, ungrateful group of people on Earth. Kandi is kind enough to take these relatives and friends on an incredible holiday and all they do is bitch and complain. No wonder she doesn’t want to talk to her mother and the aunts are even worse!

Shas of Sunset has only one episode left and then the reunion.  Why does Bravo  film so few episodes of these fun loving, wild, and whacky characters? I feel like Reza and Asa have become friends and now they are leaving me!  Every Monday I look forward to spending an hour with the Persian Pop Priestess and Gay Gandhi. There go my rejection and abandonment issues again.

While I find Bravo’s Southern Charm to be useless it is literally a train wreck I can’t stop watching.  The disappointing season finale was last night.  I find these people really annoying, except for Cameron who is the only one who seems to have her shit together. I can’t figure out why she hangs out with the rest of them.  Thomas Ravenel gives me the creeps and he’s a total moron.  What 50-something convicted felon, knocks up a 21 year old to begin with, let alone leaves her in the lurch? Then he thinks it’s a great idea to run for the US Senate, as an independent no less.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Why not just set your money on fire?  His baby mamma has had to move back in with her parents and it doesn’t appear that Thomas is planning on supporting either one of them, despite his pledge to her that he would always take care of both of them. Yes, he’s a pig and a creepy one at that. The fact that he dumped her on Facebook leaves me speechless.  Asshat.

Even Survivor is over!  Jeff Probst has the best job in the world.  He most likely works about two hours a day during production and spends the rest of the time sipping cocktails at a five star resort right near camp, while raking in a small fortune.  I’ve been told the contestants can actually smell the food from the resort. Now THAT’S really cruel.  Probst also looks fantastic. He’s in his 50s and showed off his ripped physique during a couple of episodes of Two and a Half Men, another show that sadly ended this year.  Even Bones is ending in another couple episodes and it is uncertain if the show will be renewed.

This basically leaves me with Million Dollar Listing, which I really like but I never remember when it’s on. Bravo is about to start the Real Housewives of Orange County so that’s a little relief.  I have no use at all for the RHONY except for the Countess who appears to be the only one with her head on straight.

I’m aching for a new season of Project Runway and Tim Gunn, even though it’s not on Bravo.

Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling me I need to start reading again.

 

Erica@ericaontheedge.com

The Shahs of Sunset

It’s all fun and games  for the Shahs of Sunset.  These guys are always partying and eating incredible amounts of food that look obscenely delicious  Their lives seem to be set on permanent Spring Break; but, unlike the RHOBH, I don’t see any rich husbands.

I watch the Shahs of Sunset because I find it utterly fascinating and it makes me want to learn to speak Farsi.

This is one hard partying group with seemingly bottomless bank accounts yet only three of them appear to have jobs.

Asa, the self-proclaimed Persian Pop Priestess is my favorite although I have a soft spot for Reza the self-proclaimed Gay Gandhi.  Asa appears to be fabulously wealthy and unemployed. She says they are refugees who left Iran with nothing.  Her house is enormous and I believe she also has a guest house. Last I saw Asa she was waving a pendulum over various Mercedes convertibles trying to decide which one to get.  When she sat down with the sales person he said $1199/mo. and $3000 down.  She said she was fine with the $1199 but if it was $2000 down she’d do it and off she drove.  Who on the planet pays $1199/mo. for ANY car?  What’s in that hookah of hers?

She’s got her Diamond Water. Has anyone actually seen it in a store? I don’t think so. Andy Cohen recently asked her and she said it was sold out. Asa seems to do some really nutty things like charging water with diamonds and the ritual to pick out the perfect diamond was quite a production. Yet, all this seems to suit her and make her all the more charming.  She is elegant, beautiful, comfortable in her own skin, and always the peace maker. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her fight with anyone.  She even remained calm while Jessica railed her. Personally, I would have stabbed Jessica in the eye with a fork.

I don’t get Jessica.  She’s gone to hell and back just to get Mike to propose and if I’m going to be totally honest, Mike seems like a total ass.  He’s rude, has dissed his friends, and took advantage of Reza’s generosity when they teamed up to work together. Reza did all the work while Mike sat around and complained a lot. He appears completely useless and not particularly likeable.  To that degree, he and Jessica do make the perfect couple.

GG is the Shah’s version of Brandi from RHOBH.  She’s usually drunk and fights with everyone.  At least Brandi sort of has a job – sort of.  GG seems to do nothing except drink, fight with everyone, and rattle around in her giant pig sty of a condo.  She also recently had a boob job and a booty job where they injected the fat from her flanks into her ass.  Maybe she secretly wants a job on the RHOA who are all bootylicious.

GG accused mike of trying to nail her in Turkey and even went so far as to take a lie detector test to prove it.  The test showed she was without a doubt telling the truth. Mike is sticking to his denial.  I don’t see him stepping up to the plate to take a lie detector test of his own. Good for you GG! Maybe you are finally turning your life around.  Does this mean you’ll be getting a job?

I like MJ.  She’s not afraid to show off her curves but those bodacious boobies deserve a show of their own. I recently saw her on Andy Cohen wearing a dress with a plunging cleavage and obviously no bra. She said she was being held up with duct tape. I, myself, am a large breasted woman and it’s not comfortable.  She’s got to be utterly miserable lugging those things around.  I like that she has finally found love in a guy who seems to genuinely adore everything about her and is even ten years her junior. You go girl!  Hey, it worked for Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon, for a while.

MJ also seems to have a job although we rarely get to see her in her office. Her mother is one tough cookie and reminds me a lot of my mother.  That’s real emotional abuse. Perhaps MJ and Kandi from the RHOA could get together and commiserate, because Mamma Joyce ain’t no picnic!

But MJ went off the deep end when she put her dead dog in her own freezer.  I loved my first dog like nothing else in my life. Five years later I still grieve for him; however I would not have put him in my freezer nor had him stuffed. (I do wish I had clipped a piece of his fur but he died when I was out of town.)  MJ is planning on getting her dog stuffed.  Did she watch too many episodes of Dance Moms?

I love Reza and Adam. Reza seems to be the most successful Sha and building a real estate empire. You have to love someone that has $3000 in cash in his pocket to buy caviar from a vending machine.  I don’t even think Charlie Sheen carries around $3000, well then again, he probably does – hooker/cocaine money.  Reza is so sweet and caring, always trying to fix things when this group of friends turn on one another. Frenemies again?  It seems every Bravo show cast is comprised of frenemies.  I also love his fiancé and yes, I did notice the engagement ring came in a Cartier box.  That Reza has a lot of class and GG could learn a few things from him if she weren’t so pig headed all the time.

The newest Shaette, Asifa and her ex-husband/boyfriend whatever his name is, are a mystery to me.  These two seem like absolute jerks.  Her significant other just showed off his new Bentley to Mike and in the driveway were at least half a dozen other six figure cars.  Who needs that many cars?  What is this guy trying to prove? Is he compensating for …. well, you know what I’m getting at.  I’d love to know what he does for a living because I’m definitely in the wrong business.

Asifa is a spoiled brat who has taken self esteem to a delusional level.   The boyfriend/ex-husband demanded (you demand?) that Asifa give his dog a bath.  She was so mean to that poor little dog I was horrified. She complains about everything and if I had to live with that jerk, I probably would too.  It’s no wonder that Mike and whatever his name remained friends, after Mike ostracized himself from the group. Birds of a feather…

I will keep watching these perky Persians, because I’m addicted and I still want to learn to speak Farsi.

There’s that addiction to chaos again.

Note to self: Call Adrien Blackwell ASAP

 

 

 

 

 

 

The RHOA Reunion Part 1 – Real Housewives of Atlanta

Last night was only the first part of Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion; but it’s absurdity merited it’s own post. I’m sure there will be more to follow.

The RHOA of Atlanta were all attired in white looking very prim and proper except for Kenya who was wearing a Beyoncé rip-off (really?) and Portia whose dress looked like it needed it’s own couch.  That one shoulder striped number appeared to have a train akin to a wedding dress and was distracting as was Kenya’s lace peek a boo outfit.

If these women are friends, who needs enemies? Are they frenemies?  The RHOA are all about throwing shade.  Hey, at least I learned a new term.  They  even get physically violent with one another and at least Andy Cohen was wise enough this time to put Kenya and Portia as far away as possible and Kenya didn’t bring any props with which to taunt her co-stars.

Let’s start with the hair, shall we? How many wigs do these ladies own?  (Despite the fact they teased Kim into oblivion about her wigs.)  Kenya claims to have 24 inches of her own hair. I assume the word “own” means she bought and paid for it.

Every day each of these women is sporting a new hairdo, different colors, styles, lengths and no offense, but unless you really are Beyoncé, blonde just doesn’t look good on black people.  I simply don’t understand the constant wigs and the one Cynthia was wearing last night was dreadful. The 70s and Diana Ross called and want her hair back.

In the last episode of the season Phaedra and Kenya finally reconciled in a teary eyed discussion, yet the two were going at it tooth and nail last night.

Phaedra, the self-proclaimed “southern belle” is pretty good at being nasty while looking incredibly elegant.  She says she has five degrees and she is a lawyer – a lawyer who married a convicted felon and then watched him go back to prison after scamming people out of more than two million dollars. Where was Phaedra during all this?  She’s obviously bright but how do you not know something of this magnitude is going on? Maybe she should get her nose out of the text books and into her own life.  She has two children with her criminal husband and refuses to take them to visit their father, claiming that it is “too difficult” and that the prison has too many “constraints.”  Kandi was rolling her eyes the whole time so it appears she has some knowledge about all this.  Who am I to say if you should bring your one year old to see their father in jail?  I just can’t figure out how she thought marrying this guy was a good idea in the first place.

Nene Leakes must be hanging out with Heather Paige Kent Dubrow because Nene has turned into one condescending bitch.  Her attitude was obnoxious and just decided to proclaim “I am wrong, you are right” as a blanket statement rather than discuss anything.  I guess her two week stint on Broadway makes her better than the rest.  Sorry, two weeks means you have a really good agent; two years means you’re a really good actress.  Move over Judy Dent – Nene Leakes is here.

Portia, best known for claiming to have “learned about her divorce on Twitter” is just an idiot. I can’t figure out how she’s driving a Rolls, has an 8,000 square foot home, and has a job. What exactly does she do and who pays her to do it and, more importantly, WHY?  I think my dog would be more capable of doing anything Portia could do.  Heck, my dog even knows how to empty the hamper.  The ladies (especially Claudia) say that Portia’s riches come from some married man she was sleeping with.  The mistress theory seems like the only logical one because no one else could be that stupid and I’m quite sure Kordell had a solid pre-nup.

I like Kandi but she really didn’t have much to say although she tried to sort things out between herself and her “friends” who didn’t appear to want any part of her. Kandi seems to be the one who actually works.  She’s a Grammy winning entrepreneur with one project after another. Todd seems like a decent guy, no matter what Mamma Joyce has to say about him.  And Kandi, thank you for getting rid of the glow in the dark red hair.

Cynthia doesn’t really do much except sit around and look pretty. I’m not sure she said a single word.

Then there’s Claudia – I have no words.  As far as I can tell she’s brought nothing to the show and I don’t imagine Bravo would bring her back.

I’m looking forward to next week when the husbands appear.  This could get really ugly.  🙂

 

 

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta -RHOA

I starting watching the RHOA a couple of years ago and I have to say I’ve liked past seasons better than this one.  The best thing about this show is I’ve learned a new language.  I know how to throw shade, spill tea, and give a read.  Although I’ve since been told that these words actually originated in the gay community not the black community.  Wherever it started, I like the words and use them at work just to confuse people.

I used to love Nene Leaks.  Now I can’t stand her.  She used to be so fun and seemingly real and then she turned into a prima donna.  Nene must have the best agent on the planet because she’s getting TV roles (albeit the shows have been cancelled) and a stint on Broadway. I saw her reading her lines and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Lassie and Flipper were better actors.  Her agent must have a magic wand.  She’s really turned against her friends this year and while it was her idea to set up group therapy – she walked out on the session saying she felt “attacked.”  She really is full of herself and makes sure everyone knows it.  Trust me Nene, it’s obvious.  By the way, unless you’re Beyoncé, blonde doesn’t look good on African Americans.

Another one who thinks she’s better than everyone is Kenya Moore. I honestly don’t know what to make of this beauty queen turned self-proclaimed media mogul.  She claims to have been an actress, a producer, a model, and a host of other things. I’ve never heard of her till the RHOA but maybe it’s because I travel in the wrong circles? She really does think she’s all that and her “fabulous twirling” antics were only amusing when Nene hoisted her up and carried her away from a fight last season. The rest of it is kind of obnoxious. She’s another one that seems to have a ton of money without having any visible means of income, other than her salary from Bravo.

Porsha was the comic relief of the group as her blatant stupidity around every turn was rather amusing although somewhat sad.  Her ex-husband was a complete control freak and she was a puppet yet she relentlessly defended him.  She then claimed she found out she was getting divorced via Twitter.  I’m sure Kordell had a pre-nup (he can’t be as stupid as she) but yet Porsha moved into an 8000 square foot house by herself in Nene’s neighborhood.  She’s running around in designer clothes and I believe she’s driving around in a Bentley and she had a boob job.  Since last season Portia has gotten a JOB!  I can’t imagine this girl could even sort mail and yet she’s got some media gig. I can only conclude she has Nene’s agent or is sleeping with the person that hired her.  Throughout the season there have been rumors (of course denied by Porsha) that she is sleeping with some married African guy who is lavishing her with gifts.

Phaedra Parks is obviously a bright woman with more careers than it seems anyone could have in a lifetime, let alone before they turn 50.  One of those occupations is attorney leading one to question: why on Earth she’d marry a convicted felon, have two children with him, only to watch him go back to jail while she’s changing the locks on their house?

I really like Kandi.  She is so talented, smart, funny, and a true entrepreneur.  She’s won Grammys, started an adult toy line, has clothing stores, and more.  Kandi is always doing something that’s making her money and she’s generous with her money, especially with her mother.  Her mother, Joyce, is really difficult but Kandi gifted her a house. Instead of being appreciative, Joyce has continued to criticize Kandi, her husband, be rude, and complain constantly  I can relate and my mother’s name is also Joyce.  Maybe it’s the name. How many Joyces have you encountered in your life?

This season they added Claudia.  Who? I vaguely remember her from The Apprentice.  I haven’t found that she adds anything at all to the show.  Apparently she and Porsha work in the same building and have some issues. I guess the issues were supposed to bring more drama to the show but honestly I don’t think anyone cares. I know I didn’t.

There’s another woman who is on sometimes – some singer who took all the other housewives on a trip. I have no idea who she is.  I don’t think anyone else knows either and I don’t think anyone cares. As far as I can tell neither she nor Claudia add anything to the show.

Last night I watch part one of the reunion.  That deserves it’s very own post!

 

 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I’ve already established that I’m addicted to Bravo TV and especially the Real Housewives Shows especially Beverly Hills and OC.  I’ve touched on this in a former post but after Kim Richards was arrested and charged with (among other things) being drunk and kicking a police officer, how could I keep silent?

Kim Richards is one hot mess.  I feel for her as she is going through a lot and sobriety is a serious issue; however, all season she has been acting crazy, defensive, and angry regarding her sobriety leading me to think the lady doth protest too much.  When Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson expressed their concern, coming from a place of love, Kim became as vicious as a great white shark. Kim (like her sister Kyle) was a child star and we’ve seen what happens to most of those kids so it’s no surprise that Kim would have some “issues.”  Her behavior this season makes Charlie Sheen look sane.  Maybe the intervention she needs is anger management.  Oh I know! How about a guest appearance with Charlie Sheen on Anger Management?

Of course being a hot mess, Kim hooked up with the hotter mess Brandi Glanville who is rarely seen without a glass of wine. Hmmm let’s think about this. If your number one goal is sobriety why make an angry drunk your best friend?

Brandi’s biggest claim to fame was her husband’s running off with Leann Rimes.  She can’t utter a sentence without the word “fuck,” usually used as a verb. Now I admit to using that word a LOT but usually as an adjective or noun.  Bat shit crazy, just this season alone she has thrown wine in Eileen Davidson’s face, and slapped Lisa Vanderpump across the face.  Sounds like someone I’d want as a best friend.  Check please.

Then there’s Kim’s sister Kyle. Kyle has gorgeous hair undoubtedly bought and paid for by her even more gorgeous husband and best asset, Mauricio. Kyle was also a child actress and has had a few bit parts lately but Meryl Streep she is not.  Mauricio has an insanely successful real estate business that has resulted in huge houses, private plane, ridiculously expensive cars, and apparently the best hair extensions money can buy.  Kyle has publicly expressed concern over not wanting her children to be spoiled yet one learned to drive in a Porsche and drove home from the DMV in a brand new Maserati. I learned to drive in a Pacer owned by my father’s secretary because I wasn’t getting anywhere near the Lincoln in the garage.  I think even the youngest daughter has Louis Vuitton.  The closest thing I’ve ever come to Louis Vuitton was when my sister asked me to hold her purse.

When it comes to conflict of any kind Kyle likes to hide behind a blanket or run out of the room completely.

It was good to see Lisa Rinna on RHOBH.  I’ve really never been a fan of hers. I never disliked her, but was rather ambivalent.  When I think of Lisa Rinna I think of lips.  As it turns out she seems like a very sweet, good natured loving person with an adorable hairdo that’s always perfect.  The only thing about her is I’d like to tie her down and force feed her lard.

I haven’t watched soap operas since the 80s so I had no idea who Eileen Davidson was and I am still clueless about her husband even though I’m supposed to know who he is.  Eileen, like Lisa, seems like a really nice, caring, well grounded person.  She’s an Emmy award winning actress who works on two different soaps and appears to take care of her own children without a nanny or a multitude of servants. Yet, Kim called her a “beast.”

Lisa Vanderpump is by far the wealthiest housewife but this woman actually works and works hard.  Of course having the fanciest restaurants in LA doesn’t hurt and have you noticed they are always featured in other Bravo TV shows? Every Bravo reality star has dined at Sur, Villa Blanca, or Pump.  Lisa has a magnificent house complete with swans, a closet the size of Home Depot, stylists on demand, and an army of servants to attend to her every whim and constant cups of tea.  She is always starting new ventures and I don’t know how she finds the time or why she has the inclination to hang out with the likes of Kim, Kyle, or Brandi.  There are rumors she’s fed up and not going to return next season even though Bravo is bending over backwards to try to get her.

Then there’s my favorite housewife, Yolanda Foster.  This woman is the Dutch mother Theresa.  She always tries to see the good in everyone and make peace among the bickering brood.  Yolanda even put in the time and effort to try to turn Brandi into a respectable human being.  She and her husband raise millions of dollars for charity and while their home is enormous and her closet looks like Neiman Marcus, she seems grounded, centered, and surprisingly normal for someone with that kind of money.  Yolanda grew up poor on a farm in Holland and despite her wealth it’s obvious she’s never forgotten from where she came.  She grows her own vegetables and cooks dinner for her husband when I’m sure she has “people” that could do it for her.  I have the utmost respect and admiration for her.  There’s absolutely nothing anyone could possibly say about Yolanda that would be bad.  A successful model, both her daughters are having their own thriving modeling careers.

I’ve always thought living in Beverly Hills would be so fabulous but if this is a cross section of the population, I’ll pick another zip code.

Bravo TV

Guilty pleasure: Bravo TV.  I’ve become addicted to Bravo’s reality shows.  This has made me realize that I am addicted to chaos and drama.  That might be why I’m also a fan of Survivor because it’s so Machiavellian in scope.

Of course my favorite shows are the Real Housewives because in reality these shows should be called the Unreal Housewives of Wherever.  I find these people utterly obnoxious, fascinating, and often bat shit crazy.

I don’t watch all of them, just Beverly Hills, OC, NY, and NJ.  We’ll get to Southern Charm later.

If I had to spend the day with any of the housewives it would be Yolanda Foster. She is the only one that appears real, grounded, and normal even though she’s worth a zillion dollars.  Kandi from Atlanta would probably be my second choice.  Watching the housewives in Atlanta I’ve learned a whole new language. I now know how to throw shade, spill tea, and read someone.

All these housewives have more money than God and love to show it off.  Lisa Vanderpump’s closet could house a small country.  Granted, she seems to work quite hard for her money.  They all love to show off their private jets. Despite all their money these housewives do nothing but complain, bicker, and go at each other like pit bulls fighting over a steak. That is except Yolanda who is doing yoga and her master cleanse.   With considerably less than half their money I’d be off riding my horses and traveling, not fighting with “friends” which leads me to the question of why are they  friends in the first place?

Heather Paige Kent Dubrow is one of the most condescending people I’ve ever witnessed. She’s a B list actress at best who resurrected her career through the RHOOC.  I have, however, learned some great new vocabulary words from her.  The most obnoxious thing is that she has a family of 6 and her 50,000 square foot house wasn’t big enough so they sold it for $16,000,000 and are building a 70,000 square foot home.  I’m not sure of the exact dimensions but I’m pretty sure it’s the equivalent of living in a Home Depot.  Keep in mind Mark Cuban is a billionaire with a family of 5 and lives in a 24,000 square foot house.

Brandi from Beverly Hills has parlayed her 15 minutes of drunken f-bombing fame into several book deals and a podcast and various others have managed to create businesses they never would have been able to just from their exposure on these shows.  Not to mention Bravo pays a hefty fee to these women.  Some, like Lisa Vanderpump get insane amounts per episode. I think I read somewhere she gets 500K per episode.

Oddly enough watching these crazy millionaires makes me feel a whole lot better about my modest life.  The biggest fights I have are trying to get my husband to stop smoking in the powder room.

Southern Charm – who thought these bunch of slackers with accents deserve any attention?  It’s like watching a train wreck that you can’t look away from.  You have a 50 something convicted felon who knocked up a 21 year old who then decided it would be a good idea to run for the US Senate.  Why not just set your money on fire?  Of course the 21 year old is kept hidden far away on the plantation.  The rest of them seem completely mindless, content to just live off their trust funds. Better yet, be a 40 year old guy and stay at home with mom who eats breakfast in bed while wearing a fur-trimmed bed jacket.  I will say Cameron is cute and at least is attempting a career even though she married a Dr.  There’s also a guy who went to law school, won’t study for the bar exam, doesn’t show up to work till his boss calls him and does some modeling cause he thinks it’s fun to be pretty and have his picture taken.

I’ve tried to stop watching this stuff, I really have; but, since Two and a Half Men went off the air and I’ve memorized all the episodes there’s really nothing to watch until the next season of Project Runway.

Note to self: keep working on clearing addiction to chaos. Must call Adrien Blackwell ASAP.

Erica@ericaontheedge.com