Quitting your job – the gift of freedom

i quitQuitting your job is a gift of freedom.  I know it might sound crazy, but that’s what I just did.  It was my birthday and I gave myself the gift of freedom by quitting a job that was literally making me physically sick.

I had been searching for a full time job in my field for more than 5 years, all the while working a part time job that paid me peanuts and was easy but not fulfilling in any way, shape or form.  I finally landed what I thought was an awesome job.  The people seemed great, especially my boss, and the money was something I could actually live on AND it had benefits! WOO HOO.

So I left my five year job and started the new one, all excited for this new venture.  In the five weeks I was there I felt like I was in prison, chained to my desk for 8 hours every day.  Originally I was working nights 3-11pm which wasn’t so bad.  Then they switched it to 1-9pm during the week and 3-11 on Saturdays.  This meant I had no time to do anything; but; that wasn’t the worst part.

I was learning new software that is very complicated. I’m not stupid and ever time I had figured something out they threw me a curve ball, which would throw me into a panic. I started having nightmares about the place.  I was physically sick.  Every time I thought about going there I would start crying in my car. This was no way to live; but, I have bills to pay.  Every meeting with my boss resulted in his telling me how he had hoped I would be further along.  I felt like I couldn’t do anything right and should keep a box in my car because I could be fired at any moment.  Then my boss went on vacation and things went from bad to worse.

Let’s just say, when you give young people power bad things happen and indeed they did.  On a Friday night, after enduring what felt like torture the entire week, I had a meeting with the young woman who had just been promoted to Operations Manager. I told her how I felt.  I told her I had been set up to fail.  She was very kind and gracious, said to take Sat. off, have a three day weekend, and I could talk things over with my boss on Tuesday.

It was my birthday weekend and my husband was off (we never get any time together). We tried to do fun things; bu,t all I could think about was that horrible conversation I was going to have to have on Tuesday.

My mother begged me not to go back.  I told her I had bills to pay and she said she would help until I could find something.  I told her at my age it wasn’t going to be easy, she needed her money, and I didn’t know how long it would take me to find something, especially since it had taken me five years to find this job. Yet, she insisted and she was right.

After an hour on the phone with my mother on my birthday, I nervously drove up to my office, packed up and told my boss I was leaving. To my pleasant surprise he was totally gracious and kind and said the door was always open. In fact, when I told him I felt I had failed him, he said he felt as if he had failed me.  He said I looked awful when I came in and he could see the relief in me.  I didn’t feel relieved at that point.  I came home and curled up in a ball in bed.

I just jumped out of an airplane without a parachute!

What a great way to spend my birthday.  But my husband was right when he said anything we tried to do would not be fun, yet.

This morning I woke up with a sweet smell in the air – the smell of freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

There’s a saying I’ll believe it when I see it, but that’s backwards. It’s I’ll see it when I believe it.  So now I am putting my trust and faith in the universe that there’s something much better for me that lies ahead.

The point is, life is short and there is no point in wasting it being miserable at a job in the name of paying bills. I wish I could get my husband to believe the same.  He’s in an awful job because he says he has bills to pay.  I understand; but, he’s too tired, mentally and physically to try to find something better.   I told him it’s time to put our heads together and figure out what we are both good at and start another business. We used to have a very profitable business which he foolishly shut down on the promise of another job that didn’t happen.

At this point I’m taking the next week to just enjoy life for a change.  I’m going to play with my dogs, relax (try to), and maybe tackle some projects in the house that we never have time for.

Don’t waste your life doing something that makes you miserable. It’s not worth it. As Dory says in the new film Finding Dory, “there is always another way.” It’s all about faith and believing, and as Marissa Peer says, go find a lipstick and right I AM ENOUGH on every mirror in your house.