Category: Spiritual Growth

Being stuck in the past keeps you from moving forward. Now, I’ve known this concept for a long time but remain stuck in my past, reminiscing and wishing for my old life.  It’s like reading the same book over and over again and wanting a different ending. It doesn’t happen.  What happens, at least for me, is a life of sadness, frustration, depression, and withdrawal.

This morning I awoke (grateful for a day off after working non stop at a job that is not my chosen profession) anxiety stricken – homesick for my abundant life of horses, travel, and freedom!  To me, money equals freedom and I had plenty of money, didn’t have to work, rode my horses, traveled the world with my husband, and just enjoyed life.  That is until the real estate market crashed and so did my world. Since 2008 I’ve barely survived.  Many times I just wanted to die.  This morning was one of those times.

I have chanted, read Law of Attraction books, tried GG codes, astrologers, conscious creation, theta healing, casting spells, and just about anything I could think of because I had decided enough was enough! I wanted to be well, happy, and fulfilled again.  Facebook was killing me with all the photos of people I knew – all at horse shows or on vacation. That used to be ME! I want that again!  So there I was revisiting that same chapter, rereading the same book hoping for another outcome.

I know my financial situation can turn in a heartbeat but I’m not patient. I want that NOW! So my focusing on the wanting only results in more wanting.  I pretended for a long time (Neville Goddard style) that I was a millionaire again living the life I wanted.  But I was also told every manifestation happens at the appointed hour.  WTF? Do I have to be 90 for the appointed hour? The Law of Attraction says when you’re frequency lines up with what you want you get it.  No one ever really says how you match that frequency.  Abraham Hicks says just get happy. Others say it’s gratitude for what you do have so the universe will give you more things to be grateful for.

I have had some success with this. I’ve given some money to charities and received unexpected monies and refunds from companies.  My relationship with my husband has improved tremendously to where he now goes out of his way (and he’s exhausted) to suggest things to do together on Sundays.

When total money anxiety sets in I have to stop myself. I have to say that right now, in this very second all my bills are paid.  I cannot worry about the future and believe me I’m the queen of worry and planning ahead.  Funny that I actually got a Masters Degree in Planning!

I’ve reached out to my friends from the past – horsey friends and they have ignored me although I have seen they have read my messages. I take everything personally. What had I done to make them dislike me?  I spent hours crying today over the past.  Well there we go again, stuck in the past.

I forced myself out of bed, cleaned the bathroom, walked both dogs, brushed one, played some Facebook games and took to my bed saying “I am FREE” over and over and over because to me money is freedom.  So it was suggested to me that instead of focusing on money, I focus on the feeling of freedom – kind of going in the back door for manifesting money.  I really like that idea.

I have to look to the future – not be stuck in the past.  It’s hard, very hard to monitor every word and thought and not punish myself for the mistake I made that put me in this situation.

I am grateful for my home, the fact I have a job, my husband, my dogs, the money I DO have in the bank, my teeth are being fixed, I have friends who do let me ride occasionally, I have a great brother and sister, my mother has helped me, I have a car, I have a cell phone, I have clothes, I have shoes, I have a lot more than most. I have to learn what I can from the past and realize that whatever happened happened for a reaon but being stuck in the past will never move me forward to where I want to be.

This is a tough road but I’m not giving up. I know I can do this!  I just want it NOW.

Forgiveness sets you free.  I really have a problem with forgiving someone who has wronged me or hurt me because to me forgiving them meant I was telling that person it was OK what they did to me. Since it was clearly not OK what they did, I was not forgiving – at all, period.

What  I realized that my lack of forgiveness was actually hurting myself.  Someone (ok it was Adrien Blackwell the amazing theta healer I’m always talking about) said holding onto the anger, hurt, resentment, etc. was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  When I heard this light bulbs immediately went off.  The statement is spot on.

I got Adrien’s healing audio on forgiveness and it was the best money I ever spent.  When I listened to it the first time she asked who is the first person you need to forgive? The immediate answer that popped into my head was MYSELF!

I was a millionaire.  I had a Ferrari, horses, a  life of travel, wintering in Florida, and the luxury to do whatever I wanted.  Then I lost ALL of it.  People mocked me. How could you loose $3 million they would say.  My husband hounded me about it. I felt guilty and have been suffering and struggling financially since 2008 with no hope in sight and constantly having to ask my family for help.

I had a dear friend who hurt me terribly. I’d never gotten over it. I would forget it for a while but it would always come back to haunt me and leave me in tears.  Over the 25 years I’ve been with my husband, his words and actions would hurt me.  My parents, especially my mother, did unconscionable things to me.  Other friends have hurt me too.  All of this was eating a hole in my soul because forgiveness was not an option.

The first time I listened to the audio I woke up feeling sad and curled up like a cocktail shrimp and felt it was an epic fail; but, then I listened again.

I woke up feeling like I’d been poisoned. I felt toxic to the point where I knew I had to get it out of my body so I went for a massage and then treated myself to a pedicure.

The next morning I woke up feeling like a billion ton brick had been lifted from my shoulders!  I felt FREE and liberated and happy.

I thought about the dear friend who has brought me to tears for years and she didn’t matter.  I thought about the money I lost and thought, eh, I’ll get it back soon enough.  A guy whose very name would set me on edge for days actually walked into my office and it didn’t phase me one bit.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean it’s ok what they did to you; but it does set you free.

That freedom gives you the power to manifest the life you truly want by letting go of everything that’s holding you back.

My quest for a new life through the Law of Attraction (LOA) has led me to turning tragedy into gratitude. I have learned this by finally realizing what you worry about, fear, think about, you bring into your reality.

Lately I’ve been slammed with unexpected bills, sick animals, broken glasses, car trouble, and more.  My first reaction was OMG how am I going to pay for this! I can’t afford it!  What am I going to do?  My first realization was that my car is 10 years old and that I’ve been fretting about it breaking down and afraid to drive it long distances, etc.  Sure enough, I was an hour and a half away from home when not only did my fan belt shred but the entire pulley assembly was gone as well. $340 and stranded in South Jersey. This week an entire tire flew off the rim while I was driving and resulted in $800. I then realized I MANIFESTED THIS SHIT!

My wonderful theta healer Adrien Blackwell (contact her immediately, just trust me askblackwell@gmail.com) has moved mountains for me with her amazing talents and one of them was gratitude. I started to flip all my tragedies to gratitude.  I was so thankful my tire thing didn’t happen on the highway or I would have been dead.  I was grateful for AAA coming to put the spare on. I was even more grateful that my husband was off that day, came and got the car and gifted me 4 new tires!  By the way, this is not like him.

Our very expensive imported collie got very sick.  I took him to the vet today and found there were some serious problems.  I was grateful that I had a coupon for a free exam which saved me $62.  I donated to the local animal shelter while I was there. I was grateful they are able to treat him; but, we aren’t 100% sure what’s going on.  I was even more grateful that my husband put it on his credit card.

My airline debacle that cost me $900. I was furious with United Airlines and have been trying to get some of the money back but I was grateful they were able to sort it out and get me where I needed to be. I was grateful I had a credit card to put it on.  While I was out of town I gave a ministry a few bucks on a street corner and then won $5 on a $2 lottery scratch off.

I’ve been wanting new glasses for a while but they are so expensive because of my Rx and usually run me $900 a pair. Mine were heavy and killing my nose.  My dog ate them off my nightstand. I was furious. I was panicked.  The only other pair I had were two prescriptions old. I was then grateful that I had them.  I was even more grateful that I found a place that could get the exact glasses I wanted in three days for $750 and I had a credit card with that much availability. I need a second pair and they offered me $100 off lenses when I’m ready to buy them.  I realized I manifested the glasses too. It was just the bridge of events that really sucked, but I flipped it.

I have learned (the hard way) that the more grateful you are, the more you get to be grateful for. The LOA does work.  So now I am grateful for everything and when I go to sleep at night I say over and over thank you for all my blessings.

Two psychics, whom I did not solicit, told me my money worries would be over this summer. I am so grateful for the money! I have chosen to live as though it’s already arrived in my bank account.  That doesn’t mean I’ve gone on spending sprees, except what I had to buy but I just believe that I can if I want to.

I have been grateful for everything lately – even when the situation sucked.  I don’t want to work anymore and spend my days riding horses and cooking like I used to but instead I’ve chosen to be grateful for the job I have.

Practicing gratitude is just that – practice and more practice.  I have to monitor every word and thought and anything negative I have to immediately flip to positive.

No matter how dire the situation seems you can always find something to be grateful for about it if you try hard enough.