New Braces – torture and weight loss

Today I got my new braces – the latest in torture and weight loss.  It wasn’t bad enough that I still have the palate expander (see previous post on that) which resulted in an 8 pound weight loss in three weeks, but now the braces on my lower teeth will mean nothing more than pudding or yogurt for God knows how long.

The procedure was easy – some brackets with rubber bands, a wire, a couple snips, a couple of adjustments – simple.  I was told my mouth would get callouses where the braces rub against my lips. Swell.  Oh and I was told I’d be experiencing pain in the next couple of hours.  They sent me home with a giant envelope of instructions, wax, floss threaders (not happening unless I have a whole weekend to devote to it), tiny brushes for getting in between and around the brackets, and a long list of what not to eat: basically everything.

I drove home from the orthodontist feeling like I had a mouth full of stuff, well, because I do!  I stopped at a convenience store for a soft chocolate chip cookie, broke off a small piece and attempted to eat it. Nope, not happening.

I came home to my wonderful husband making a big bowl of tuna salad as he thought it would be nice and soft for me to eat.  I was exhausted and opted for a nap.

By the time I woke up and fed my dogs it was past 6pm and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours.  I tried a few spoonfuls of the tuna and that was good. Then the biggest mistake ever! I took out a small roll, cut it in half and attempted to make a very small sandwich.  The first bite sent me into Defcon 5 pain with my head nearly exploding.  Ok, moving on. He also bought some very soft cookies so I tried one of those. I was able to eat that with no problem; but, it got completely squished and entangled in the braces.  I tried my sonic toothbrush, water pik, rinsing my mouth, and the little tiny brushes they sent me home with to slide up under the wires.  I got most of it out but there’s still a piece in the front that I think will be there until the braces come off.  Thankfully that piece is white.  From now on I will have to carry a toothbrush, toothpaste, and the tiny brushes wherever I go. Luckily, I have a large purse.

By the way, the braces themselves are gold with a silver wire.

It’s one thing to have braces when you’re a kid because people expect kids to have braces.  It’s an entirely different animal when you’re a middle aged woman with a job.  It’s embarrassing, impossible to speak or eat, and just a general nightmare.  Can invoke the Family Leave Act for braces?

The only upside to this is the orthodontist said I’d probably be done in six months, instead of the 12-14 months he originally thought.  I told him if I’m done in half the time, shouldn’t the bill be lowered?  He didn’t appreciate that comment at all.  While he’s good at his job, warm and fuzzy he is not.

At checkout, where I had to fork over another $1500 (he’s gotten $2000 so far) and told they don’t take American Express, I again asked about the price.  My theory is six months of fewer visits, less work for him, and in my world fewer hours means less pay.  The woman in charge of the money is his wife (imagine that!) and she went to talk to him and then said if I indeed finish that early, they would adjust the price.

I have to go back in two weeks and in the meantime keep widening the palate expander. Eventually the upper braces will go on. It’s my hope that when the palate expander comes out and the upper braces go on, things will get better.

With my full gold grill I’m going to have to embrace my rapper skills and I’m a pasty white girl.